Lazy Daze
by HellKing666
Summary: I am proud to say that I have done everything in life either with half the effort or half completed, I didn't care that I was in Class-E-As-In-End, I didn't care that I was the target of every long nosed twerp from the higher classes, and I certainly don't care about some cash prize, all I want to do is sleep through it all, but this damn Takoyaki won't leave well enough alone...


**A/N: This story will have very slow updates, just to warn you, and also, this is my attempt to jumpstart the Assassination Classroom category, you don't know about it? Look it up, its amazing.**

**Another Boring Year?**

…

It's boring you know, school, and a thousand others would agree with the assessment, yet those people are idiots, who never truly know what it means to be in a boring school.

It was the same for me, I thought the only things boring were study and trying to not fall asleep during a summer lecture, how I miss kindergarten…

Those nap times made the time there so quick.

Same shit, different day, school, and classroom.

I cast a bleary eye across the collection of students who sit in the same classroom as me, all of them either too troublesome, or dumb to be any higher, why do I think of them so?

Because I am currently seated inside something that can pass as a wooden shack, maybe an outhouse, with the fancy name of Class-E, more commonly referred to as Class-End, the place where they had fallen below average and will never get up.

You probably are wondering why I have any right to talk, being with the sorry bunch.

Simple, I didn't care where I was, so who cares about 'right'?

My arms, forever cradling my head on the my splinter filled desk, was a common sight for people who met me, I was known as the 'Lazy Ditz', or 'Lazy Bastard', whichever is preferred at the time, and you know what?

I don't really care.

When I was still in the higher classes, they always bitched at me, 'pay attention', 'don't fall asleep', 'Finish this test or I'll…' etc. etc.

It was constant complaint, after complaint, after complaint, and kept it up until the last one in Class-D-As-In-Dicks.

I was then sent to Class-E, an old shanty that held the entire class, and was at least a mile hike from the actual school itself, Kunugigaoka. I don't really mind it all to be honest.

Everyone here will whine about being the bottom rung of the ladder, having fallen from grace because of a slip-up, and either fight for advancing back to the upper classes (which is impossible) or accept it with reluctant depression.

Not me, the way I saw it, the Class-E-As-In-End was the better of all of them.

It was the same as every day before when I got up from bed that morning, I would wake at a measured pace, peacefully walling up to the Classroom up on the mountain, the woodlands fill either side with no hustle and bustle from city goers, and then, when I have reached my destination. I could laze into my comfortable chair, and sleep the rest of the day away, with no nosy teachers trying to wake me up, as the one we currently were taught by and given up all hope for us, so we could do what we want.

And when the school day is finished, I would get up, have an easier walk back home downhill, where I would fall into my unmade bed and wait till the morning.

It was paradise.

"Hey Anderson-San, Psssst!"

Except for those short interruptions that remind me nothing comes without a price.

I opened up my right eye to look at my neighbour from the desk in front of me, sat there was Kirara Hazama, or Hazama Kirara if you do it the Japanese way, we were on cordial terms, but she knew enough about me to know that I didn't like getting woken up unless it was REALLY important.

"_Whu is it…"_ I asked the messy haired girl with a half asleep voice, her answer was to scrunch up her eyebrows in confusion. I then remembered that I had spoken in English by accident, yet again. I cleared my throat and asked again in the right language.

"What is it?"

"Geez, you forgot again? How many times do you have to do this before you realize you're on Japan?"

"With my luck, on the plane back to Scotland"

Yes, I got a lot of popularity for being a foreigner and far away transfer student, but that quickly tanked once I fell to Class-E, when you're this low, you could be a talking teddy bear and no one would give a fuck.

"Ehhh, at least look like you aren't about to fall asleep again when you're talking to me"

What is with Japanese people and that weird 'Ehhh' sound, it breaks peoples concentration to the conversation, not that I had any in the first place…

"I can't help it; my droopy eyes are my charm point"

"More like a curse point"

Ahhh, you've got to love Hazama and her witty comments.

"Is there any other reason why you're bothering me?"

"Well, I wanted to know what you think is going on with the Moon and stuff"

…

"The Moon?" I asked with disbelief, "I don't know, someone send a turkey fired chicken up there, I don't keep up with space things"

It was her turn to look in disbelief, before she sighed and face-palmed.

"Please don't tell me you are such an oblivious idiot that you haven't noticed what happened to the Moon"

Several seconds passed.

"Well?"

"Sorry, you asked me not to tell you"

"Urrrrrg, look at the sky!"

I cast my gaze towards the window… that would involve walking…

"Just do it" Hazama told me, as if reading my mind.

With a tired groan, I lifted myself off my seat, my array of necklaces ringing against each other as I walked towards the destination, then I tilted my head.

…

Well… that was new.

"I can't believe you didn't know the freaking Moon blew up!" Hazama near shouted at me, "I mean seriously, don't you ever look up!?"

"When night comes, it's usually the time people close their eyes"

"This freaking thing is visible during the day you idiot!"

"It's a matter of perspective"

"What? You couldn't see anything since your eyelids are glued to the top of your eyeballs?"

This was a much longer conversation than I hoped it wouldn't be, at least it will be over soon.

"Hehe, you really are a 'Lazy Bastard' aren't you?"

Oh perfect, he just had to join didn't he.

I looked to the right of me, there sat the bully, thug and general tough guy of Class-E, Ryōma Terasaka, I gave the guy his space and he gives me mine, however, I think he enjoys keeping me up as it irritates me.

Coupled with that sadistic Karma on the left… there we times where I wished we could switch our seats.

"Hey, where do you think Sensei is? Its nearly time for homeroom" Hazama asked as she looked to the front of the classroom.

"Use your imagination; he's probably got a hangover from the binge drinking of being a dead end teacher" I huffed, it had happened several times before; we could go home if that were the case.

"Nah, someone would have called ahead and got us a substitute"

Oh perfect, that means I'm going to have my day ruined by Sensei-Dick of Class-D, he hates us, we hate him. It's almost like a force of nature.

Ryōma commented, "Whatever, either way it's going to be a long day. Hey Anderson, want to ditch?"

That's actually very tempting…

"Don't even try it, remember what the Sensei said, if he doesn't mark you as present even once, he has permission to call your parents"

Gulp… I hate it when people think ahead. Hazama knows only a little about me, but what is common knowledge is that my mother is REALLY scary when things like that come up, she's convinced I'm going to become a shut-in unless I come here every day.

"Sorry Terasaka, I'm going to have to decline"

He grunted in humour, I'm sure he asked that question so that my face would pale.

The door at the front of the classroom then slid open, and one man and one woman with black uniforms stepped in, okay, that was new. What was particularly worrying is that one was pointing a handgun at something outside the door.

Then two more people came in, the first was like the other two, with dark spiky hair and a tough face with a permanent frown to match, and the other was…

…that was new.

"Good morning Class-E" the… something said, "It is nice to meet you all, and I'm the one who blew up the Moon-

Well that's a bombshell and a half.

-and I plan to blow up the Earth next year,"

Couldn't you blow up something less important, like the Sun? I wouldn't mind eternal night.

"Seeing as I have become your new homeroom teacher, I hope that we get along"

… Okay, I don't know anymore.

Let me explain this better, them 'he'? I suppose from his voice, was an eight foot tall thing, he wore some kind of coat that looked like it was a school uniform, I suppose he thought it was funny to have a short tie with a crescent moon on it. Perched on his chrome dome head, was the kind of hat seen at graduation, and by chrome dome, I meant literal.

His head was the size and shape of a beach ball, yellow skin (I'm not exaggerating, yellow) and a big stupid grin along with two dots for eyes, which made it seem he drew them on.

And the last thing to mention is his limbs, which were a multitude of tentacles that protruded from his sleeves and the bottom of his uniform, all of they were twirling in the air, showing that they didn't have any joints to speak of.

I didn't have to look to know that everyone was thinking the same thing.

**WTF**

I then broke the silence.

"I'm going back to sleep, wake me up when things start making sense" I then curled up and closed my eyes.

It hardly lasted ten seconds before Terasaka shouted beside me.

"You're seriously going to sleep through this?!"

"I'll have any alcohol you have stashed if that's an option"

"What kind of guy do you think I am!?"

A very noisy one, who isn't giving me some sake, my thought process was stopped as I heard someone clear their throat.

"Now if you would all pay attention, I will explain everything"

… Damn my curiosity.

I tilted my head back up, but didn't raise it from the table; the scary guy took that as a sign to continue.

"I am Karasuma from the Ministry of Defence"

I perked up at that.

"So you know Bert Anderson?"

He raised an eyebrow.

"Yes… how do you know that name?"

"He's my uncle"

Everyone in the class looked at me, I'm not sure if the walking octopus was but his head was in the general direction.

"Is your life a freaking manga or something?" Hazama muttered in front of me, I shrugged and motioned to Karasuma to continue.

"Anyway," he said with a slight sweat drop, "first of all I would like you to understand that what I'm about to say is classified government information"

"Cutting straight to the point, I want you to kill this monster"

It was so blunt and straight forward, I thought he was joking.

Except me and a few others, everyone adopted a bug eyes expression.

Mimura from the second row spoke up.

"So… that guy is an alien who came to attack us?"

At this, the monsters face turned bright red, and I was sure I saw steam coming from his head.

"How rude!" You're the one who blew up the freaking Moon, "I was born and raised on earth too you know!" from where, The Pacific Ocean?

Karasuma then continued, "I'm afraid we can't go into the particulars, but what he told you was true"

No shit, I saw the greedy slice he took from the damn cheese in the sky.

"This creature who damaged the Moon, will also destroy the Earth next March"

"The world's leaders are the only other people who know about this, before the world is plunged into panic, they are exerting considerable effort to kill him behind the scenes"

Considerable force? The guy doesn't look that tough; he looks like he could be sliced into Takoyaki.

"In other words…" Karasuma then swung his blade that he had stealthily taken from his jacket towards the Alien-Octopus, I blinked, and then he was to the right instead of the left of the knife.

"An assassination"

I blinked again, and suddenly the knife and the Octopus were in different locations again.

"Hazama," I asked her as I rubbed my forehead, "please tell me I'm just dreaming through algebra"

"Sorry, I pinched myself already"

"At any rate, this guy is fast!" Karasuma explained as he fruitlessly sliced through the air to catch him, "far from killing him, I'm having my eyebrows trimmed by him!"

He was right, every split second that passed; his eyebrows were slightly less bushy than before.

Karasuma then put his weapon away and gave a deep sigh, "He is a super creature, possessing enough energy to transform a full Moon into a crescent, and his full speed is actually Mach 20"

Holy! With that speed, he could go around the world within the day!

How can we not dead from the air shift alone?

Karasuma adopted a grave expression, "In other words, if this guy was to seriously run away, we would be helpless till the day of our destruction"

Mm…

"Well, that wouldn't be any fun at all" The monster said as he closed a small case full of eyebrow trimming supplies, "Which is why I made a proposal to the nations of the world"

Oh god, don't tell me, Karasuma looking as if he was boiling with rage as the monster laid a tentacle hand on his shoulder.

"I don't want to be killed put…" who would? "If I become the homeroom teacher for the Kunugigaoka Junior high school, you're welcome to try"

That's it, I heard enough. I lay my head down and began counting sheep.

"We don't know his goal" I heard Karasuma say, damn, don't focus on that, fall asleep dammit!

"But the government reluctantly consented, our condition is that he cause absolutely no harm to you students"

56 sheep… 57 sheep…

"The reward for successful completion is 10 billion Yen"

Say heck what now?!

My head jerked a little and looked up, Karasuma was looking in my direction.

"It is an appropriate sum; after all, the assassinations success means the Earth's salvation"

Freaking hell, he did that to provoke me didn't he, well no thanks. No way am I going to shoot a bunch of guns so that I will get nothing, I'll just lay back down now…

"Unfortunately this guy is looking down on you. See" He points at the monster, "when the green stripes appear, its mocking face"

Talk about being read like an open book…

"It's only natural, there is no way all of you will be able to kill me when the government couldn't"

Okay, now he's just rubbing it in.

"When they attacked with a state of the art fighter jet, I gave it a mid-air waxing"

Is he a clean freak or something?

The other two agents then walked into the classroom (we didn't notice they left) with a rack full of knifes and guns, and two jars filled with thousands of black pellets.

"I would like you to strike if the opportunity presents itself" Karasuma said to us, "we will provide you all with bullets and knifes which are effective against him but harmless to you"

Well that's convenient.

"This must be kept a secret from you friends and family" No shit, what if my mom found out? "Anyway, time is short, if the Earth is destroyed, we will nowhere to run"

"That's the long and short of it" the smug Octopus said and he rubbed his tentacles together, "Now everyone, let's spend this final year in a meaningful fashion"

Great, you do that Class-E, and now, I will finally get that nap I was waiting for…

"Anderson-Kun, it's time for homeroom"

If I wasn't a calmer guy, I would have jumped out of my skin.

I turned my head back up at the grinning face of my new Sensei.

"If you ever hope to assassinate me, you would have to open your eyes" even if it was a mask or whatever hiding his face, I knew he was grinning like an idiot.

I gave an exhausted sigh; there goes my peaceful days of slumber.

Same shit, different day, school classroom… and teacher.

I wonder if I can get him to drink a glass full of those anti-sensei bullets…


End file.
